“Love is a state of Being. Your love is not outside; it is deep within you. You can never lose it, and it cannot leave you.”
― Eckhart Tolle
Recently I found myself in Glastonbury Town, England on a short camping trip with a friend who was attending an aurasoma colour course.
Whilst my friend was on the course during the day times, I had several hours to myself to wander and explore the magical town of Glastonbury and take in the sights.
Glastonbury, England is renowned for its majesty and mysticism dating back in history to King Arthur and the round table and so the town is not short of interesting shops full of crytals, incense and occult and metaphysical books alike.
On the first day of my wandering around I came across one of Byron Katie’s books, “Question your thinking, change the world” at an extra affordable price, and whilst I had many hours to spare I thought I would purchase the book and proceed to the nearby library to have a read.
I have been a fan of Byron Katie’s ‘The Work’ for some time now and I really feel her line of self-inquiry is a blessing to us all.
The book, only a relatively short read is split in to several chapters on; Love, Sex, and Relationships, Health, Sickness, and Death and Work and Money among other things.
What was apt about me wanting to read through this book, was that I’ve been having to overcome some internal concerns myself about stepping out and being of service to others in the world with my ‘Work’ and genuine purpose as well as my friend having a string of failed and dysfunctional relationships, whereby they had attracted the same abusive and dysfunctional character time and time again and were beginning to give up on ‘Love.’
Here is the thing though, What we view as ‘Love’ in today’s society isn’t actually love at all by its truest definition and eternal meaning… it is something else, call it; Possession, domination, power or ego tripping, a need for validation or simply two personalities in mutual agreement of what Love ‘should’ be like.
And on the long journey to Glastonbury with my friend I had plenty of time to express this to them and discuss the issues which we were both facing.
Love is a state of being. Love is what we are and where we come from through creation, and in that sense we ARE already… whole, loving, complete and cared for. We are born in to this world with everything we require to thrive; 4 limbs, 2 ears, a mouth, a nose, eyes and a brain to receive and learn new, vital information.
It is really only through the acts of social-conditioning and separation that we begin to feel incomplete and unworthy and start to seek Love and other validation outside of ourselves.
If you can recall being a child, or even better if you have children now then take a moment to study them as children are our greatest teachers. A child is open to giving and receiving love, they are open to the world and full of potential and possibility, unprejudiced and pure-loving.
“The world’s a playground. You know that when you are a kid, but somewhere along the way everyone forgets it.” – Allison, Yes Man movie.
I’d like to paraphrase some of the lines from Katie’s book here to really express where I believe many of us are and have been going wrong – here we go!
“Seeking love is how you lose the awareness of love. But you can only lose the awareness of it, not the state.
That is not an option, because love is what we all are. That’s immovable. When you investigate your stressful thinking and your mind becomes clear, love pours into your life, and there’s nothing you can do about it.
When I don’t look for approval outside me, I remain as approval. If I seek your approval, it’s not comfortable inside me. And through inquiry, I’ve come to see that I want you to approve of what you approve of, because I love you. What you approve of is what I want. That’s love – it wouldn’t change anything. It already has everything it wants. It already IS everything it wants, just the way it wants it.
All the advice you ever gave your partner is for you to hear.
Your partner is your mirror. Except for the way you perceive him, he doesn’t even exist for you. He is who you see he is, and ultimately it’s just you again, thinking.
It’s just you over and over and over and over, and in this way you remain blind to yourself and feel justified and lost. To think that your partner is anything but a mirror of you is painful.
You don’t see your partner; you just see what you believe about him. So when you see him as flawed in any way, you can be sure that that’s where your own flaw is.
The flaws have to be yours, because you’re the one projecting them.
Love says, “I love you no matter what.”
Love says, “You’re fine the way you are.”
And that is the only thing that can heal; that is the only way you can join.
If you think he’s supposed to be different from what he is, you don’t love him. In that moment you love who he’s going to be when you’re through manipulating him. He is a throwaway until he matches your image of him.
You can’t disappoint another human being. And another human being can’t disappoint you.
You believe the story of how your partner isn’t giving you what you want, and you disappoint yourself.
If you want something from your partner and he says no, that’s reality.
It leaves YOU.
And you can always give it to yourself.
You’re just suffering from the belief that there’s something missing from your life.
In reality, you always have what you need.
People think that relationships will make them happy, but you can’t get happiness from the other person or from anywhere outside you.
A relationship is two belief systems that come together to validate that there’s something outside you that can bring you happiness.
And when you think that that’s true, growing beyond your common belief system means losing the other person, because that’s what you had together. So if you move forward, you leave this old belief system behind in what you call the other person, and then you feel it as separation and pain.
You’re living with God disguised as your husband/wife, and he/she will show you all your unclear places; she will give you everything you need in order to get free.
When you see your partner as God, your work becomes very simple.
We are love, and there’s nothing we can do about that.
Love is our nature. It’s what we are without our stories.
For the personality, love is nothing more than agreement. If I agree with you, you love me. And the minute I don’t agree with you, the minute I question one of your sacred beliefs, I become your enemy; you divorce me in your mind.
Then you start looking for all the reasons why you’re right, and you stay focused outside yourself.
When you’re focused outside and believe in the moment, then you are your own victim, and the situation appears to be hopeless.
The worst loss you’ve ever experienced is the greatest gift you can have.”
So as is clear from Byron, Love stems from our self to our self and really the love we think we receive also comes from our self. A very profound yet liberating truth.
In order to love another sufficiently we must first love our self, and how many times have we heard that… But the eternal truth is that, true, organic and healthy love is a state where we are so over-brimming and full of love and pure intention, that we give it freely everywhere we go with no thought of reward, recognition or even return – in short, we have become Love. Or maybe more correctly, we have remembered what we are – eternal.
I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz,
or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.
I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,
in secret, between the shadow and the soul.
I love you as the plant that never blooms
but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;
thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,
risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.
I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;
so I love you because I know no other way
than this: where I does not exist, nor you,
so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,
so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.
– Pablo Neruda